Salford-based male victims of domestic abuse are being urged to reach out ahead of International Men’s Day (19th November).
The plea comes after Salford City Council announced that over 70 men asked for support in the last three months from the Safe in Salford service.
The service is commissioned by the council and provides a wide range of legal, practical and emotional support and advice to adults and children affected by domestic abuse.
International Men’s Day (19th November) celebrates the positive impact that men make in the world, into their families, and their communities.
‘Sheila’ (real names have been changed) is an Independent Domestic Abuse Advisor (IDVA) working for Safe in Salford and has worked with ‘Alan’. She said: “The guys had been together for several years and Alan’s partner had gradually taken control of Alan’s life.
“He’d claim it was ‘just jealousy because he loved him so much’ when he wanted to know who Alan met and what they talked about and checked his phone for messages.
“Gradually he cut him off from family and friends. It was all emotional blackmail and manipulation to isolate Alan and control him even further – along with the classic lines that ‘if you leave me no-one else will want you, you’ll be all alone.’
“He controlled the finances because Alan ‘was so bad with money.’ That further undermined Alan’s confidence and grew to the point where Alan had to ask for money every time he wanted to buy something and explain why. It was another form of control. And there was physical and sexual abuse leading to Alan self-harming and turning to alcohol to cope.
“When we told Alan we believed his story and could help him, he broke down in tears. We’ve put in extra security in his new home, helped him put a legal injunction in place to stop his partner contacting him and found him the mental health support he needs to recover from his trauma.”
Councillor Barbara Bentham, lead member for environment, neighbourhoods and community safety, has also encouraged people to come forward to seek support. She stated: “Relationships can be complex but they should never be psychologically or physically harmful.
“The first thing I’d say to anyone – male or female – who feels they are in a harmful relationship is to talk to Safe in Salford or one of the many other support services available, some of which work exclusively with male survivors.
“It’s not love if they constantly criticise you or undermine your self-confidence and pressurise you into behaving or doing just as they want by bullying, threats or violence.
“International Men’s Day is about celebrating the positive contribution men make to the world. There’s nothing positive about an abusive relationship but getting the help you need to break free from it and really live your life to its full potential is incredibly positive. I hope many more men and women reach out for the help that is there.”
For confidential help, visit Safe in Salford (0161 793 3232, info@safeinsalford.org.uk), The Men’s Advice line (0808 801 0327) or The ManKind Initiative (01823 334 244).
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